As I posted my 2013 overview, I realized that I had written a post about helping to take care of my father-in-law. I've posted it (over a year later) because it holds a big piece of the puzzle for me as I prepare for my own surgery next month. Please be patient dear reader and read or move on as is right for you. I began this blog as a way to shine light on what I most want to hide. I'm not always sure what that is but it is most certainly linked to my complicated relationship with this body that brings pleasure and so much pain. As I prepare for a surgery that is nearly as common as a tonsillectomy, I am aware that my big emotions are related to the whole of my physical life and the physical lives of my mother, her sister and cousins who have endured the challenges of MED (multiple epiphyseal dysplasia). While I have a good deal of aversion related to any surgery, I know that the more complicated piece of this struggle is related to being vulnerable, known as deficient/needy, seen as something (a person with a problem?) rather than someone. And is it about how others see me or how I see / understand myself? Something to ponder and write about. Not such a special problem, maybe you, too sing this song from time to time. Perhaps in another key, another verse but I think it may be a very universal song.
Wishing healing to you. My mom is undergoing surgery this morning and even though it has a positive outcome expected, it is always laced with some degree of fear. All will be well, and all will be well.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much Rose. Medical science is amazing and I am expecting the same kind of results I had when I had my hip replacements 17 years ago. I felt like a new woman and they continue to carry me through the world without difficulty. I'm sending out good thoughts for you mother. All will indeed be well.
ReplyDeleteSome people don't admit those feelings, perhaps, but surely they are universal. I have them doubled, perhaps, because I was an abused child. I found it nerve-wracking to await having someone else's organ implanted in me, a kidney from a lovely live donor. I am even emotionally reactive to an opthalmologist's exam, so you can imagine how I felt about this. But the alternatives were dialysis or dying, so I did it, and the kidney is still hopping along after 3 years and 4 months - and I am 71 years old.
ReplyDeleteI read until midnight in the hospital the night before the surgery. Wrong, but I knew I had to read till I dropped over to get to sleep at all. . . . We cope however we can. I think vulnerability and flexibility keep the willow alive in a storm that would knock over a mighty oak.
Thanks Jean. I know you've been there and more. It is kind and noble of you to share and link your childhood history to the big picture. Amazing how we survive and how vulnerable trauma leaves us... 'vulnerability and flexibility keep the willow alive in a storm that would knock over a mighty oak...' I think I'll borrow this as my mantra for a while.
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